She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize