sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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