I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
