its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The ass gains better be worth it
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