she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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