I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Randomize
