If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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