Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
