Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize