ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
