I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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