That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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