she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
