Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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