U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
