i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
