i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
