THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
