Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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