a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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