What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
