I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
