she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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