get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
