just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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