So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You smell like stripper and shame
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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