Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
