You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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