the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
