Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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