don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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