also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
