ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
