I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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