Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
