I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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