I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
