Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
