i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
