He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
