he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
