I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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