There is no way he is gay with that hair.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
