I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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