I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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