A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
