You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Randomize
