remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
