me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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