so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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