Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I stole a fireplace last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
COCAINE IS GR8
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
