is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize