Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
