Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
