And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I will pee on everything he values.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
