If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
