and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is it penis luge time yet?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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