I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
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