omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
