Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
