in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
