I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
