please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
