I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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