Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize