Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Welp...herpes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
