Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
