Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize