I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
