i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
