I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
