I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
