I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
