hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
