allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
