i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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